Day one and I want to go home.
As I left Vancouver yesterday morning I felt excited to get on the plane. I was finally going to travel and see some of the world. Meeting new people and seeing different places seemed like a wonderful idea. Looking down at the enormity of the piercing blue Pacific ocean I felt very small. Especially when I spotted a cruise ship that looked like a grain of rice. Even though I was appreciating the beauty and the fact that I am sitting in a hunk of metal flying through the air, I wanted to turn around and go home.
I feel incredibly lonely all ready and I all I want to do is stay in bed. The Big Island is incredibly hard to get around if you don't have a car. There is a bus but only runs a couple of times a day. You can hitchhike however, I've heard from other people in the hostel it's not that easy here. I'm realizing I better get use to being in the middle of nowhere and figuring out how to get where I want to go.
I'm also aware of not knowing what to do with my stuff. Meaning when I go to the beach, where do I leave stuff. I don't quite know the rule of traveling yet.
I feel sick to my stomach right now and feel I made a huge mistake doing this trip. I know this is an egoic response and that dealing with my fear and uncomfortableness is all part of the process. For the first time in a very long time I just wish I had someone to take care of me and tell me what to do and how to do it. To bee with me in these times of uncertainty, hold and comfort me.
Perhaps I just made a really costly mistake. I think I would have preferred staying on the west coast safe and secure where things are familiar. I'm sure this is just fear I'm experiencing and once I start connecting with people and doing things I'll be fine. Right now though, all I want to do is hide. Of course I've never hidden for long and love a good challenge. I know this will only open me up and push me to grow and evolve in ways I never expected. Growing up is never easy even when it takes the form of something as fun as travel. Quite a paradox.
I'm sure my first trip to the beach will cure this. I hope!
February 08, 2012
February 06, 2012
February 05, 2012
Don't Panic
Lesson number one in traveling, taken from one of my favourite books by Douglas Adams The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy...Don't Panic. I've spent the past week in a state of semi panic, fear and frustration. All for not. It's amazing the range of emotions that I've already gone through.
Oh, I have my passport and my Indian visa and will be taking off for Hawaii Monday morning. All is a go. Phhheww!
I now see why people spend at least 4 months planning an around the world trip instead of 3 weeks. There's a lot of bureaucratic crap that needs to be taken care of before one leaves. Then there is the packing and re packing and re-re packing, getting rid of more stuff, buying other stuff, getting vaccinations (my arms still hurt), finding herbal remedies, making last minute calls, watching money leave my account like it's an open drain....BREATHE!!!!
Panicking is never good. Not that I was actually in a state of panic, but frustrated enough to begin to think I should have never booked this trip. Or at least so many countries. Perhaps India or New Zealand would have been good enough. I was told though to get use to the inconsistency of information while traveling. OK fine. I HAVEN'T LEFT YET!!!! Don't panic. Gotchya. Everything happens for a reason. I got my first lesson..notes and drinks taken...don't panic
Oh...wait...what do I do with my car!!!!
Oh, I have my passport and my Indian visa and will be taking off for Hawaii Monday morning. All is a go. Phhheww!
I now see why people spend at least 4 months planning an around the world trip instead of 3 weeks. There's a lot of bureaucratic crap that needs to be taken care of before one leaves. Then there is the packing and re packing and re-re packing, getting rid of more stuff, buying other stuff, getting vaccinations (my arms still hurt), finding herbal remedies, making last minute calls, watching money leave my account like it's an open drain....BREATHE!!!!
Panicking is never good. Not that I was actually in a state of panic, but frustrated enough to begin to think I should have never booked this trip. Or at least so many countries. Perhaps India or New Zealand would have been good enough. I was told though to get use to the inconsistency of information while traveling. OK fine. I HAVEN'T LEFT YET!!!! Don't panic. Gotchya. Everything happens for a reason. I got my first lesson..notes and drinks taken...don't panic
Oh...wait...what do I do with my car!!!!
February 01, 2012
Let the Games Begin
I haven't even left yet and I'm running into problems!!!! Just after I booked my trip I contacted the Indian Consulate numerous times to find out the fastest and easiest way to get a visa. Each time I was told something different, but the one consistent message I received was that it was possible to get it in three days if you go directly to the Consulate in Vancouver. So instead of mailing things in, I waited until I got to Van. This gave me a week before I left for Hawaii. Plenty of time right...??
Not so much. I went to the Consulate early this morning with all my documentation, gave it to the teller only to find out it will take 5 to 7 business days. WHAT!!!!! I FLY OUT NEXT MONDAY!!!! What all of the previous representatives forgot to mention to me was that they only process visa's in 3 days if there has been an emergency such as a death in the family or illness. FUCK!!! Pardon the language. I tried offering more money, then a little more money, then let a tear or two fall....No such luck in getting it any faster.
So, I may have to cancel Hawaii and start in Fiji. Oh wait...Fiji is recovering from massive flood damage, I may have to start in New Zealand.
AUUUGGG!!! Man I really don't know about this trip. As I found out about Fiji, I also heard that a cyclone just went through Bali and other parts of Indonesia killing 16 people....I'm getting the feeling I should have stayed on Cortes.
Sigh.....I really hope this isn't a sign of things to come.
Not so much. I went to the Consulate early this morning with all my documentation, gave it to the teller only to find out it will take 5 to 7 business days. WHAT!!!!! I FLY OUT NEXT MONDAY!!!! What all of the previous representatives forgot to mention to me was that they only process visa's in 3 days if there has been an emergency such as a death in the family or illness. FUCK!!! Pardon the language. I tried offering more money, then a little more money, then let a tear or two fall....No such luck in getting it any faster.
So, I may have to cancel Hawaii and start in Fiji. Oh wait...Fiji is recovering from massive flood damage, I may have to start in New Zealand.
AUUUGGG!!! Man I really don't know about this trip. As I found out about Fiji, I also heard that a cyclone just went through Bali and other parts of Indonesia killing 16 people....I'm getting the feeling I should have stayed on Cortes.
Sigh.....I really hope this isn't a sign of things to come.
January 31, 2012
Farewell Cortes! For now...
I'm off the island....I've been in Vancouver for 2 hours and I miss Cortes already. I want to take this opportunity to say a sincere thank you to the Cortes Community. I cannot express in words the richness of my experience there. The opportunity for deepening into an already intense life process was exactly what I needed to prepare for the world. Literally and in all sorts of other ways.
Thank you to Hollyhock for giving me the reason to come to the island. Thank you Rosita for your love and support. I wish you and your family all the best in your adventures. Let's stay in touch!!! Rebeka and the Kitchen staff, thank you for the lovely nourishing food as well as the support and encouragement. To the rest of the staff it was a great pleasure to get to know you and work with you.
David D. A special thank you for your generosity in allowing me to stay at Tealcroft with all the provisions that you included. It made the power outages not only bearable but fun! Your love and light is a blessing to Cortes and the world.
Thank you to the Cortes Community for a warm welcoming embrace. I imagine it's hard getting to know people as most who come to the island are transients. You sure do make it hard to leave though!! Thank you to all the well wishers and those who provided valuable information on traveling. I feel more safe and secure about my meanderings. I wish you all well and I will continue to support the community in anyway I can. Even though I was only there for 3 months, Cortes feels like home.
A whole hearted deep bow to my lovely neighbour Fraser, who restored my faith in the Good, True and Beautiful. My eternal gratitude to you. I wish you well in your inner and outer journey's. Stay safe and stay healthy. See you later in this life and probably the next ;-)
To Mario and Alanha...thank you for Ultimate! It was nice to be able to run and have fun!! Thank you for your company and support. But most of all...Thank you for giving me yet another reason to return to Cortes! Your friendship was enough to get me back, you didn't need to offer storage. However, as you know I'm eternally grateful for your help.
And of course a very VERY BIG THANK YOU to my roommates....Shalon, Glenna, Theresa and Rod...What a gift, honour and delight it was to share this time with you all. Through the good and difficult times, I am a better person for having you all in my life. May you all be blessed in your life journeys.
I cannot say enough about Cortes. It challenged me, it held me, it loved me and it healed me. How could I not fall in love with it!!!
BIG HUGS TO YOU ALL!!!
Thank you to Hollyhock for giving me the reason to come to the island. Thank you Rosita for your love and support. I wish you and your family all the best in your adventures. Let's stay in touch!!! Rebeka and the Kitchen staff, thank you for the lovely nourishing food as well as the support and encouragement. To the rest of the staff it was a great pleasure to get to know you and work with you.
David D. A special thank you for your generosity in allowing me to stay at Tealcroft with all the provisions that you included. It made the power outages not only bearable but fun! Your love and light is a blessing to Cortes and the world.
Thank you to the Cortes Community for a warm welcoming embrace. I imagine it's hard getting to know people as most who come to the island are transients. You sure do make it hard to leave though!! Thank you to all the well wishers and those who provided valuable information on traveling. I feel more safe and secure about my meanderings. I wish you all well and I will continue to support the community in anyway I can. Even though I was only there for 3 months, Cortes feels like home.
A whole hearted deep bow to my lovely neighbour Fraser, who restored my faith in the Good, True and Beautiful. My eternal gratitude to you. I wish you well in your inner and outer journey's. Stay safe and stay healthy. See you later in this life and probably the next ;-)
To Mario and Alanha...thank you for Ultimate! It was nice to be able to run and have fun!! Thank you for your company and support. But most of all...Thank you for giving me yet another reason to return to Cortes! Your friendship was enough to get me back, you didn't need to offer storage. However, as you know I'm eternally grateful for your help.
And of course a very VERY BIG THANK YOU to my roommates....Shalon, Glenna, Theresa and Rod...What a gift, honour and delight it was to share this time with you all. Through the good and difficult times, I am a better person for having you all in my life. May you all be blessed in your life journeys.
I cannot say enough about Cortes. It challenged me, it held me, it loved me and it healed me. How could I not fall in love with it!!!
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| Where am I?? |
BIG HUGS TO YOU ALL!!!
January 26, 2012
Who Know's Just Go Straight
First off, I want to sincerely thank all those who signed the petition to help save Cortes Forests. There is still planning and negotiating going on and with hope this precious island ecosystem will be used in a more sustainable way. I still hope that the power of love will overcome the love of power.
Secondly....I'm both excited and terrified about my trip. I've always imagined the moment when a life long dream came true. I thought of feelings of complete joy, bliss and humbleness that comes with hard work and sacrifice, knowing that all things given, good and bad are a gift. I do feel extremely grateful for the adventure I'm about to embark on. Even though I have the tickets in hand and some accommodations booked, the whole thing still feels very surreal. My head has been spinning for the last week as numerous friends and acquaintances bombard me with information about particular countries, places to visit, people to connect with and food to eat and not eat. I've been told how much fun I'm going to have and, also to be careful. All of it very practical, loving advice.
As I get closer to leaving the island, I go through intense moments of fear. Yes, I'm back to fear. Not so much of what can go wrong, but of truly facing the unknown and truly facing myself. My life in the last year has done a complete 180. I barely recognize myself. Now, as I start a whole new chapter in my life that little bit of "self" I do recognize, I sense, is going to be annihilated. I know traveling is going to change me. It already has since leaving Toronto. Now though, I stand in the face of complete individuation, in unknown places, with unknown faces and all the while feeling connected to a greater source that grounds and holds me.
There are days when I don't want to move at all. I physically paralyze myself. I can feel my body contract and I become very small. My breathing becomes shallow and I can't focus on anything (which is one of the reasons I haven't been posting much). I'm grateful though of this awareness as in these moments I know if i can get my body moving the fear will first intensify then dissipate. Nothing cures anxiety more than moving the energy physically. The other day I went over and borrowed the neighbors axe and chopped wood for about half an hour. After that I felt much better. Also making contact and talking to people has helped. I'm always amazed at the emotions that come up when I'm faced with something new. The fear is less and less now and I am very excited. I'm sure that will change when I'm standing in the airport waiting for my first flight.
So, now it's just dealing with the last minute details. Sorting out visas, shots, cars, and phones.
Keep breathing!!!
Secondly....I'm both excited and terrified about my trip. I've always imagined the moment when a life long dream came true. I thought of feelings of complete joy, bliss and humbleness that comes with hard work and sacrifice, knowing that all things given, good and bad are a gift. I do feel extremely grateful for the adventure I'm about to embark on. Even though I have the tickets in hand and some accommodations booked, the whole thing still feels very surreal. My head has been spinning for the last week as numerous friends and acquaintances bombard me with information about particular countries, places to visit, people to connect with and food to eat and not eat. I've been told how much fun I'm going to have and, also to be careful. All of it very practical, loving advice.
As I get closer to leaving the island, I go through intense moments of fear. Yes, I'm back to fear. Not so much of what can go wrong, but of truly facing the unknown and truly facing myself. My life in the last year has done a complete 180. I barely recognize myself. Now, as I start a whole new chapter in my life that little bit of "self" I do recognize, I sense, is going to be annihilated. I know traveling is going to change me. It already has since leaving Toronto. Now though, I stand in the face of complete individuation, in unknown places, with unknown faces and all the while feeling connected to a greater source that grounds and holds me.
There are days when I don't want to move at all. I physically paralyze myself. I can feel my body contract and I become very small. My breathing becomes shallow and I can't focus on anything (which is one of the reasons I haven't been posting much). I'm grateful though of this awareness as in these moments I know if i can get my body moving the fear will first intensify then dissipate. Nothing cures anxiety more than moving the energy physically. The other day I went over and borrowed the neighbors axe and chopped wood for about half an hour. After that I felt much better. Also making contact and talking to people has helped. I'm always amazed at the emotions that come up when I'm faced with something new. The fear is less and less now and I am very excited. I'm sure that will change when I'm standing in the airport waiting for my first flight.
So, now it's just dealing with the last minute details. Sorting out visas, shots, cars, and phones.
Keep breathing!!!
January 17, 2012
The Moment I've Been Waiting For
It's now official!!! I have finally booked my trip!! YEAYYYY!! Everything feels so surreal. This is a life long dream coming true! WOW!!!
Cortes is finally releasing it's hold on me. I'm incredibly grateful that I took my time and stayed here. It's been an incredibly rich experience. Going through what I went through here provided me with the tools I will need while on the road. I've been able to find a deeper sense of peace and clarity around my life that I've only been ale to sense but not fully integrate and realize. I know there will be challenges as I travel, particularly with visas (I can't wait for the day when we live without borders), but I think I will do just fine. The fear that I had around this trip is changing into excitement, wonder and awe. Ok, there is still a little bit of fear hiding behind my right ventricle, however, I know what the remedy is...JUST DO IT!!! Be safe, ask questions, and if worst comes to worst, share a drink, with no ice of course, with a monkey.
So where am I going? Hawaii, Fiji, New Zealand, Bali, Thailand, India, Sri Lanka, Africa,!!!!!! Greece and Turkey to start. Phew! The adventure begins February 6th.
Between now and then, I'll be packing, selling my car, putting what little I have in storage. Oh...and trying to get visa's. Not so much fun.
Oh, if anyone has any points of interest in any of these places, or any other useful information, suggestions are welcome.
See ya'll soon!!
Cortes is finally releasing it's hold on me. I'm incredibly grateful that I took my time and stayed here. It's been an incredibly rich experience. Going through what I went through here provided me with the tools I will need while on the road. I've been able to find a deeper sense of peace and clarity around my life that I've only been ale to sense but not fully integrate and realize. I know there will be challenges as I travel, particularly with visas (I can't wait for the day when we live without borders), but I think I will do just fine. The fear that I had around this trip is changing into excitement, wonder and awe. Ok, there is still a little bit of fear hiding behind my right ventricle, however, I know what the remedy is...JUST DO IT!!! Be safe, ask questions, and if worst comes to worst, share a drink, with no ice of course, with a monkey.
So where am I going? Hawaii, Fiji, New Zealand, Bali, Thailand, India, Sri Lanka, Africa,!!!!!! Greece and Turkey to start. Phew! The adventure begins February 6th.
Between now and then, I'll be packing, selling my car, putting what little I have in storage. Oh...and trying to get visa's. Not so much fun.
Oh, if anyone has any points of interest in any of these places, or any other useful information, suggestions are welcome.
See ya'll soon!!
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